Testimony of Um Luqman
http://www.thetruereligion.com/umluqman.htm
Um Luqman, "Jesus(AS) made sense to me as being a Prophet"
Bismillah ir Rahman nir
Raheem ( In the Name of ALLAH, the Most Beneficent, the Most
Merciful)
As Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu ( May the
Peace and Blessings from ALLAH be upon you) all in
Islam,
Greetings,
This is my story of how I reverted back to
Islam.
Revert is One who comes back to Islam. We are all Born
Muslim, so those who stray and find there way back, ( by ALLAH's will) has
reverted.
By the time I was born, Islam had already been introduced
to my family.
My Uncles, (maternal), had both accepted Islam, by
the end of the Vietnam war. Masha'ALLAH. And had given both of their
sisters, my mother and aunt, dawah -- needless to say both of them
rejected the dawah at this time.
They were not too keen on the idea
of telling their parents, (my grandparents-maternal). You see, I came from
a very strict Catholic background, and for anyone to convert to any other
religion was frowned upon terribly.
During my childhood, I always
had the questions; Who was God, and Where did he come from. Mind you those
two questions permeated my thoughts throughout my spiritual
journey.
Well, in the cathedrals my family attended, there were
these Big, and Massive statues. Oh my, I thought these were the most scary
statues I had ever seen. The music was creepy and the combination of
candles and stained glass made shadows look ghastly. Then, I remember
having to light candles and go to confession, eat bread and drink fake
wine (grape juice)...........
........All of this was very
exhausting to me.
The Frilly dresses and meticulous and
strategically placed bows in my hair, I felt like a porcelain doll - and
if anyone touched me or if I moved the wrong way , I could break.
Did I forget to mention that I went to 2 different masses, Spanish and
English. The Spanish I could barely understand ( parents wanted me to be
western-so they only spoke English to me). And the English was to
difficult to follow, and after all of that, and after many years ; I still
did not know the answer to my 2 questions.
As I got older, things
changed quickly, here I was about 8 years old or so and my aunt took her
shahadah (Masha'ALLAH), and I still didn't know what that meant at that
time, only heard the word a few times, here and there. And my mother and
father grew apart, and we ( my mom and I) grew apart, I lived with my
grandmother
, who was still a Devout Catholic, and I still had the
dresses and bows. <smile>
My mother moved to Georgia, and I
was still in New York, going to 2 masses and going to confession, the
whole bit.
I got a little older and at about age 12, (almost a
teenager!!, <smile> ) I moved to Georgia with my mom, and guess
what!........
She also took her shahadah, ( Masha'ALLAH) and still
I didn't know what this meant. I was devastated. My mother, a beautiful
career women, a Muslim. Now, I know that she was the most beautiful women
that I knew back then, and even now.
I didn't know what to do. I
knew One thing , I was not going to wear that head rag, as I called it at
that pre teen stage. My mother tried to force me to wear the Khimar (head
covering) and the long dress and the long shirts at first, then she
realized the more she tried , the more I rebelled. I even ran away from
home to my cousins house, (across the street from my school) to get away
from my new Muslim mom.
As time went on, I develop my curiosity of,
Who God was and Where did He come from ,again. So, here I am at age 15
searching for God. I was away from my Muslim mom (living with relatives
again - back and forth to New York, visiting my grandma), and I went to a
penacostle church. I took the invite from a school friend.
I could not
connect, so I kept on searching.
Now I was 17, had already been to
a holiness church (all the "got the Spirit dancing" scared the heck out of
me), a Baptist church (to much singing and yelling, not enough preaching),
and a non Denominational church (finally found my niche) .
I was
"baptised" and saved!! At last, I was no longer a sinner and was a
spiritual person, who loved God and His son...................
But,
Who was He again? and Where did He come from? And now He had a son, did I
just realize this?........
Back to square one. I decided to just
say no to all the invites and not do anything, as far as religion was
concerned.
I had graduated from highschool and was in the beginning
of my 2nd year of college ,when I met a preacher, a very young one. Just 3
years older than me. He was at the "Other" University, one for all males
and it had a Theology program. Well, he gave me a bible, and told me
to read certain chapters to renew my faith in God. But Which God,
hmmmmmmmmm.
I had been fed so much from so many different people,
phew! I needed some renewal of faith, but how did I know this was the way.
He made sure that he was there to guide me, if I had a question he always
had the answer, if I needed clarification, he did it, if I needed some
upliftment, he was there. It came a time I accepted his invite to this
little church he practiced preaching at. I thought I knew it all, I had my
Bible in hand , read it from cover to cover. I was prepared for it
all.
Or so I thought..........
....I froze, something would
not let me enjoy the service, I couldn't get up and say thank you Jesus
(AS) anymore, I could not say Hallaleuah anymore. I got up and walked out,
and never returned to that church again. Let me explain, I saw something
in that church, I dont know what it was, but it was looking at me as I was
looking at it. A few months after that, I had 2 dreams. 2 dreams I will
never forget, Insha'ALLAH. To make it short, I dreamt that something was
chasing me, and I turned around and said something in a different
language. it stopped and ran away. The next dream I had was of my
grandmother, (who had died, and taken her shahadah before her death,
Masha'ALLAH). I was in her house with a Jewish family, mother and son. My
grandmother was in the kitchen cooking, and I was speaking to this Jewish
man, all of a sudden, my grandmother left and this Jewish mother was
cooking, (I was in a spot where I could not see her), Well, this Jewish
guy started speaking, what I think was Yiddish or Hebrew, and he jumped up
and disappeared, I was drawn to the kitchen and saw that same thing again,
I started to say something in that same language as before , in my other
dream. And this time it didn't run, but grew. I said it over and over
again, until I woke up screaming. I had to tell this , it is very
significant in my reverting, (I think so anyway). Allahualim.
I
decided once again, not to do anything about religion. I was going to pray
directly to God and see what would happen. So I did, and waited, and
waited, and waited. I was now 23 years old, had two children and still did
not know the answer to those 2 questions. One day my uncle called me ,
just to see how I was. I told him about the dreams, and to my
surprise, what I had been saying in my dreams was Arabic! I was seeking
refuge. And I didn't even know. Masha'ALLAH! All my Uncle said to me
was seek ALLAH, go to him and ask Him to guide you. He said this with such
earnest, and he is an uncles I love so dearly, one that has never steered
my wrong, Should I believe him? Should I pray to ALLAH? ALLAH.? Who was
ALLAH? When my uncle gave me the answer, I broke down and cried. This was
it, this was the answer I had been looking for , practically my whole
life.!! That night I prayed, to ALLAH.
About 2 years later, my aunt
came to visit me, I was pregnant with my third child, and she asked me do
you believe in God, the One God, who created all mankind.,
ALLAH. I said,
Yes. She asked me what do u believe about
Jesus
(AS), by this time I
knew the Muslims believed him to be a prophet of God, so I said what I
thought she wanted me to hear and said, He is a prophet. She asked me did
I know about the Prophet Muhammad, I told her not much,
and she told me all
about him. And that is when Jesus
(AS) made sense to me as being a Prophet. I
was intrigued. But still wasn't ready to make that move. I had too much
pride, I could not cover my hair. I couldn't go into a perfect religion,
being so imperfect. And what would my friends say? What about my job, what
would they
say if I covered my hair?
Well, during this same
week, my aunt and her husband visited me and my family again, we ate , we
talked, and then My husband, (who knew a little about Islam) started to
ask questions, before I knew it. He took his shahadah!
Masha'ALLAH.
I was still stubborn, and he never pushed Islam on me.
Two months later, the day before my son was born (3 out of 4)
<smile> I visited my mother. She had company and of course, she was
Muslim. I spoke to the sister ,that I was fond of,. And she said to
me, What is stopping you from accepting Islam. Your family, almost the
entire family, is Muslim. Do you even know about Islam. I said somewhat,
so she grabbed my hand, and I followed her to another room. We sat, and
talked, I found out that I did not have to be perfect or never mess up, or
free from sin. I still had some misconceptions. And By the Grace of ALLAH,
this sister had put them to rest, with just one conversation. She even
told me if I could not cover right away, then not to worry, that all I had
to do was pray to ALLAH. And cover for Salah, and Insha'ALLAH,
eventually I would cover. I could not believe it , to accept Islam, ALL my
previous sins forgiveen, wipe clean, a new start?!!, Now THAT is born
again.
At that moment, I wanted to accept Islam, I wanted to take
MY shahadah. It wasn't anything fancy, as I was used to in my previous
ventures. My little brother, (a man then but still my little brother) gave
me my shahadah, Ashahdu illa ilaiha illallah, wa ashadu anna muhammadan
rasoolu Allah,(I attest that there is only One God, and
His Name is
ALLAH ,none is worthy of worship but He, and I did all this in front of my
mom, my aunt , and the friend. The next day my son was born, and I had a
peace that came over me, I still cannot describe today. I have since then
grown in my deen, and the knowledge of Islam, and can affirm, that Islam
is the TRUE WAY OF LIFE,. AL - Hamdulillah!!
Sorry this took sooo
long, I became absorbed.
I thank ALLAH, the Most Merciful, for
allowing me to be Muslim, and Insha'ALLAH he will allow us all In Islam,
to live , worship, and die as Believers, and Submitting Muslims,
Ameen.
May ALLAH guide us all to His Straight Path,
Ameen
Oh, I forgot to say, that I did wear my Khimar, shortly after
that, Masha'ALLAH. And have since quit that job, and now run my own
business. I have progressed from just wearing the khimar, to full hijab,
Masha'ALLAH.
Wa Alaikumu As Salam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa
Barakatuhu
UmLuqman
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